Till date I have succeeded in resisting the temptation to swear in words of all forms. I mean both in spoken words and in writing. It’s not that I never get frustrated, agitated or hurt. Neither am I too weak to retort back to express my anger. Call it my conditioning or impress me by saying I have strong self-control, but the fact behind it all is I strongly dislike swear words as much as I dislike people who fail to find better expression of their emotions in vocabulary (in any language) than using swear words at the drop of a hat.

I am not trying to create a hate post condemning people who swear nor am I the general of the army of people assigned with the task of trying to shoot people who use profanity in actions or words. I am just trying to build the aura of how much self-control I have had in the many decades I have walked the soil of this planet.

This sanity and saintly calm composure is starting to lose ground. The events of the past few months have started showing their toll on my personality. Though I still credit myself for being the girl with immense strength to have never cussed my soon-to-be-a-past husband despite him crossing many lines (about which I’ll talk in a separate post).

The events of the past week have shaken my determination as much it has shattered my self-esteem for loving someone who could fall to such depths for the sake of the pettiest asset man has ever known, money. For me writing and cooking are cathartic, but today they too are failing to make me feel any better. I tried getting involved in a complex recipe to get the hurt and rage out of my mind. The outcome was very delicious (recipe coming soon) but it didn’t make me feel good.

At this moment, I want to pick up my mobile and do what you can see in the video below:

*Disclaimer: The video contains profanities, please be careful about your surroundings before playing it.

Though I have not done anything similar yet and I know myself to be sure about not doing it any day soon. I believe in defeating people by actions not words. I am of the opinion that wars are won by brains than valor and I am determined to do just that.

I am actually feeling heaps better by writing about it. By the time I’ve reached this line, I can feel my opinion change (though very slightly) about the people who swear at times they want to convey their emotions, strongly!

A very simple recipe, that can be tried by anyone who hasn’t baked ever in their life and doesn’t even own an oven.

Pressure Cooker Chocolate Cake:

Pressure Cooker Chocolate Cake

Servings : 6 to 7

Difficulty level: Easy

Ingredients:

• All purpose flour (Maida) – 1.5 cups
• Cocoa powder – 3 to 4 tbsp
• Eggs – 2
• Vanilla essence – 1/2 tsp
• Baking powder – 3/4 tsp
• White sugar – 3/4 cup
• Butter (salted) – 50 gram
• Milk – 1 cup

Method:

• Sift together flour, cocoa and baking powder.
• In another bowl beat eggs, vanilla essence with sugar till sugar dissolves.
• Add the flour mixture to the beaten eggs and sugar.
• Add melted butter.
• Fold in the flour mix with butter and eggs.
• Add milk to make a thick batter while beating continuously. Add milk gradually to obtain a smooth batter.
• Pour in a well-greased baking pan/baking tin.
• In a pressure cooker heat some water and place a cake ring.
• Once the water comes to a boil, place the cake tin with prepared batter and cook for 30 minutes with closed lid and no weight.
• Remove lid and let the cake steam for 5 more minutes.
• Check with a bamboo skewer whether cake is well cooked from all sides (the bamboo skewer should come out clean if cake is cooked through).
• Let cake cool down and then remove from pan.

P.S.- Coarsely ground walnut kernels go very well with the chocolate cake. The cake doesn’t require icing and is a delightful dessert.

When cooked as a vegetable we need the raw fruit. The raw Jack fruit is tough and fibrous, the pulp should be off-white and it should not smell sweet.

Jack-fruit

To make this very simple yet very tasty recipe, we need to take a slice (a thick one) of the Jack fruit. Make sure it is from the center of the fruit for if taken from either end, it will be difficult to slice and a lot of it goes waste while carving out pieces.

* Dum - It is a method of cooking (simmering) in yogurt over medium heat.

Kathal Masala – Jackfruit in yogurt gravy

Kathal Dum Masala - Jack-fruit in yogurt gravy

Serves : 5

Difficulty Level: Medium

Ingredients:

• Jack Fruit – 1 kg
• Onions – 2 medium
• Tomatoes – 4 medium-sized/tomato puree 3tbsp
• Yogurt/ home set Curd – around 200 grams (1 cup)
• Red chili powder – 1 tsp
• Turmeric powder – 1 tsp
• Garam Masala – 1/2 tsp
• Salt to taste
• Vegetable oil to fry

Method:

• Apply some vegetable oil on your hands to help easy chopping of Jack fruit for it exudes milk like sticky juices.
• Avoid washing the chopped Jack fruit for it gets too messy to handle.
• Using a sharp knife cut the Jackfruit into thick wedges about 1.5 inch wide.
• Chop the skin off the wedges (it is much easier to do it this way)
• Fry the wedges till they turn golden brown and set them aside.

Fried wedges of Jack-fruit

•  In a pressure cooker, take some vegetable oil and fry chopped onion.
• Once the onion gets golden color on its edges add paste of tomatoes (you can also use tomato puree), salt, red chili powder, turmeric powder and garam masala.
• Mix them well and let them cook for 5 to 10 minutes on medium heat till the masala starts leaving oil on sides.
• Now add the fried jack-fruit pieces and mix well. Add two cups of water, close the pressure cooker lid and let it cook on medium flame for 2 whistles.
• Since the jack-fruit is tender, it cooks quick (besides it cooks while frying too). Take the pressure cooker off the heat and let it cool down before proceeding.
• Open the pressure cooker lid and add one cup curd and let the mixture simmer over low flame for around 15 minutes.

Serving suggestion:

Serve hot with buttered chapatis or naan.

Memories have a magical, dreamy effect on us. No-matter what our current mood maybe, they have the power to transport us to a time when we were doing something memorable. Did we realize the importance of our actions then? Not in the least. The same way, each day, every act of ours is also creating fond memories, something we’ll cherish and value long after the moment has gone.

This means, every moment of our life is important, for it’s a new line in our book of life. Even now, while I am trying to collect my thoughts and writing it for you to read many years down the line, I am actually creating memories of our times together. It isn’t the philosophical way of looking at life, but a way of realizing the true value of the little gifts life gives us from time to time.

You’ll often read, live life as if today was your last day. It’s tough to not panic with such a thought than to try to live those  1440 minutes in a meaningful way. But, I have actually seen death and even experienced being resuscitated not long back . It was that traumatic experience, that made me value my life more than I ever did. I strongly believe, God gifted me a second life with a purpose. I do not credit it to my good Karma but to the heap of unfulfilled responsibilities I had at that point of time.

I am just trying to fulfill my responsibilities by planning non-stop and working on those plans to make your future secure. In turn, gifting myself the reward of beautiful moments we both create together. Be it the fun we have splashing away like little fish while bathing in the tub, the moments when you try to fight back sleep and get cranky, moments when you hurt yourself and cry out loud, only to forget all about it within a matter of seconds all are going to be beautiful memories we both will cherish all our lives. They appear routine today, but will be priceless tomorrow.

The same way, the times your father and I spent together are memories that’ll be a part of me forever. I don’t want to deny their existence, nor do I force myself trying to forget them. They are beautiful in their own way. They are a reminder of the smiles I shared with someone who brought you in my life. The secret to a happy life lies in this very fact.

Never challenge your memories. They like being respected and resist being deleted. Treat them well and they’ll promise to never haunt you! ~My Era

Let’s busy ourselves creating more memories, while I promise to make you a part of mine when you’ll grow big enough to understand them clearly.

With tons of love and blessings,

Mum

The song on my mind

It was then, that I decided to give my thoughts a form of words and share with you why I am busy detoxifying my system off all bad memories, sour moments and bitter arguments that have been constantly battling with my peace of mind 24×7 in the past many months.

I have a deadline to meet. I know many people think, that why push yourself to forget what all happened when there is a life-time to work on this. The answer to that logic is, I am in a hurry.

I might sound crazy by the end of this post. Yet, I am determined to meet this deadline, somehow, anyhow and I am all charged up to do it.

Let’s talk about the task I am referring to. I want to empty my cluttered mind of all the hurt, negative feelings and painful memories in the next one year, by the time Pari turns one and a half years old. It might appear like a herculean task from this end of the project, but I am assured by my success so far, that it is very much achievable.

Why this time period? According to my observations (which are quite imperfect and am quite new at being a parent) kids step in the world of endless questioning based on their awareness of the world and lives their friends lead by around 1.5 to two years of age. That will be the time around when, I am expecting my little darling to raise to me the question why she doesn’t have a father around, unlike all her friends. I know, I might be wrong about the age when I’ll probably be asked this, but for now I am stuck to 1.5 years.

I have no intentions of giving her any stories with a promise that her father will soon be with us, etc. I want her to understand the truth in a form, appropriate for her age right from the start. So that no-one can ever hit her with any shocking revelations that would bruise her little heart. I personally feel, all that my marriage threw at my face is nothing as compared to the possible emotional and mental trauma a child feels in the absence of a parent. I am fully aware of the fact how important fathers are for a daughter.

Though, my father will be around and by then I’ll be charged with better armamentarium to handle such crisis but still I am gradually building up the needed courage from now itself. It might sound something that people acquire when life demands them to, but since I am already aware of the possible roadblocks, I want to get working on them right away.

For a little kid, presence of parents isn’t about having someone to fulfill their demands, it’s more on the affection, care and love front. Having someone who’ll shower them with unlimited, unconditional love. At those times, I do not want any of my hurt or painful memories to surface. Not because I want to hide them from my daughter. But, because I want to try my level best to avoid filling her with any negative feelings of any kind.

Children are very sensitive, innocent souls, who actually learn a lot simply by sense and perception rather by the spoken words. I want to stay as normal as I possibly can, so that my daughter gets a life, like any other child with both parents around. I can’t be normal until I detoxify my mind of all that has been going on in my marriage.

I understand, that I am literally overworking my system, pushing myself too hard. But, it’s all worth the effort. After all, it’s for my little princess. The deficiency, the void I have in my life, is nothing when I think about our circumstances from my daughter’s perspective.

Her father was with her for a matter of a few hours, not even days. Losing a partner is nothing compared to the pain losing a parent might bring in life. Though both situations aren’t comparable, but in my situation I see them this way. I now have the responsibility of being both a mother and a father to my little daughter, which requires me to gather all the strength, all the good-will I can before things get difficult.

I know I am weird, have always been, but hope that I won’t get crazier than what I am now. In this autumn of my life, I am busy collecting all the strength, all the positive energy I can find around me to give my daughter a life, that’ll feel like a never-ending spring forever.

The one red leaf, the last of its clan,
That dances as often as dance it can,
Hanging so light, and hanging so high,
On the topmost twig that looks up at the sky.
~Samuel Taylor Coleridge

The song on my mind:

Ever since I have started eating solid food, bread has been my all time favorite. The white, sliced, sandwich bread in particular. I enjoy eating bread in any and almost every form. The time of the day is needless to say immaterial and the accompanying food item or beverage at most times totally unnecessary.

Let me share a little secret with you. I have a very strongly developed sense of smell. By strong I mean almost second to a dog or a shark. With a baby around, this strong sense of smell is a curse (well, I’ll spare you more details on that cause it is a food post). OK so with a very strong sense of smell, the aroma of my favorite foods holds a special place in the life of a food lover like me.

Very few fragrances in the world can match (but cannot surpass) the kind of emotions a freshly baked and toasted bread raises in my mind. Be it any form of bread to go with any form of butter (salted, unsalted, garlic or any other), jam or cheese, I’ll eat it heartily only cause the core ingredient in all of them is a bread.

Over the years, during my stay overseas, I had not only fallen in love with the loaf tins but also mastered the art of bread baking. Though I don’t do it now, but still the aroma of a freshly roasted chicken with a freshly baked bread with a generous dollop of butter slowly melting over it, tantalizes my senses just the same way as the magic of first love feels for a teenage heart.

I have no apprehension in labeling myself a bread fanatic. While I was overseas, whenever I had to dine outside home (for home food was 60% times Indian) I made it a point to include bread in one form or the other. I am very fond of dinner rolls. In most of the cities that I have lived, dinner rolls with fresh butter and baked vegetables have been part of complimentary food offered by all restaurants. Keeping myself from filling my stomach with these hot and irresistible dinner rolls, is something I literally had to battle out. For this very reason, visit to a bakery is like visiting heaven.

During my pregnancy, there were hardly any foods I could keep from throwing up within an hour. The worst form of morning sickness and extreme acidity following regular infusions left me with literally no choice of foods to eat let alone the idea of picking foods based on their nutritional value. At this time, my favorite food came for rescue. I used to eat bread slices with cheese and anything that I could keep in my system without a throw-up.

My relationship with bread has only grown with time. No wonder, I wrote this saga of my love affair with breads on the day of love, Valentine’s Day initiated after a yummy snack of a cheese sandwich.

The song on my mind:

I do not deny the importance of finances in life. Neither am I trying to defy the need to multiply our savings for a prosperous future and as a reserve for the rainy day. But, the issue here is, money matters simply by default fail to interest me. The irony of the situation being, the more I sulk over having to bother for money, the more I am required to worry about it.

Stocks are something almost everyone (say 90% ) of the people of my age indulge in. They are considered the escalators to prosperity. I sometimes feel, I am among those who love to take stairs instead of escalators when it comes to multiplying funds. It isn’t about being lazy, for that is one thing I feel I am not. When it comes to research and analysis, you can see me straining my handful gray cells to the extremes, anytime of the day.

I personally think it’s the risk factor.

Money and risk in my opinion is a deadly cocktail. One, I dislike indulging in matters involving the mathematics more than my mobile calculator can do and secondly, losing sleep in worry about money is the last form of anxiety people like me ever indulge in.

I sometimes, think about the goodness of making money manifolds without actually having to work for it, by simply being smart enough in knowing when to invest where. But, then, it seems too good to be true. The fear of a recurrence of a global financial crisis all over again seems to overshadow the few rays of sunshine any positive news about the stock market brings my way.

For the records, I have actually dealt with stocks in real life and have even had significant gains. But, that was when I wasn’t a mother, moreover I consider those gains a mere fluke. The gains do give a high, but for me that high lasts not more than a couple of minutes. The fatigue my brain experiences during the time my hard-earned money is stuck in the stock market is in my belief equal to if not worse than the agony I suffered during giving birth to my daughter.

I believe, that stocks for people like me are like sex in high school. Where you know the theory, understand how it all happens (for you’ve been loaded with information from the Internet and your peers) and even understand the risks, but rarely anyone gives you the real insight of what is the real deal.

Having said that, you actually need to have surplus money to invest and forget all about it for a while. Let it grow like a mango tree in your backyard, that’ll bear sweet fruits in a matter of few years down the line for your family to enjoy.

No pains, no gains. I know this rule of life, but I still refuse to indulge in equity and shares. Are there any other measures to multiply your money manifold? I am happy to explore them, but taking risks in life, isn’t my cup of tea.

Please do not say real estate investments, for someone in my shoes, they are far more hassle than stocks themselves.

I wish to ask you, how good are you in handling finances? do you indulge in stocks? If yes, what resources do you study before indulging in equity & shares?

In the mean-time I’ll relax and try to catch up some sound sleep, before any useful tip about making quick money gets hold of me.

The song on my mind:

It can be eaten as a starter without gravy and goes very well as the main course dish when prepared with gravy.

Chili Chicken:

Chili Chicken with Gravy & Mushroom Fried Rice

Serves : 4

Difficulty Level: Easy

Ingredients:

• Chicken (boneless) – 500 grams (thigh fillets preferably)
• Capsicum – 2 medium-sized, cut into medium cubes
• Green Chilies - 6, finely chopped
• Black Pepper – freshly ground (use a pepper mill if available)
• Egg – one
• Dark Soy Sauce – 2 to 3 tbsp
• Ginger – around 1.5 inch piece, finely chopped or grated
• Garlic – 6 to 7 cloves, finely chopped or crushed
• Spring onion/ Shallot – one
• Cornflour – 2 to 3 tbsp
• Chicken stock (if available, else water can be used as well)
• Vinegar – 1 tsp
• Tabasco (optional for extra heat) – 1 tsp
• Oil – for frying

Method:

• Remove the skin from chicken pieces, cut them into small pieces. If boneless, cut into medium-sized cubes, exactly the same size as capsicum cubes.
• In a bowl mix chicken with 2 tsp of crushed peppercorns, three tbsp of cornflour, capsicum pieces, one egg, 1.5 tbsp of dark soy sauce. Cover the bowl and set aside to marinate for at least 30 minutes.
• Do NOT add salt, for the dark soy sauce is itself quite salty.
• Heat oil in a wok for frying. Avoid taking too much oil, for the remainder will be useful in preparing gravy.
• Now fry the marinated chicken pieces. Strain excess oil on a paper towel and set aside.
• The fried chicken pieces can be eaten as such as starters.

For the Gravy:

• In the same wok and the left over oil add chopped garlic,ginger, green chilies and let then fry till they start turning golden brown.
• Dissolve two tablespoons of cornflour in a bowl of chicken stock/ water. Add this to the wok.
• Add the remaining dark soy sauce and stir well.
• To this add the fried chicken and capsicum.
• Stir continuously till the gravy starts thickening.
• Add cracked black pepper and vinegar. Stir well.
• For added heat, you can even add a teaspoon of Tabasco.
• Turn off the flame and garnish with chopped spring onion.
• You can taste and adjust the salt before serving, usually Dark soy sauce is itself quite salty. To reduce saltiness add little water to the gravy and to increase the salt, add little soy sauce.

Serving suggestion: It goes well with fried rice. My personal favorite is mushroom fried rice.

It’s not cause of a strike by newspaper hawkers, neither is it due to issues with our dish antenna connection, nor hassles of broadband or electricity, but something graver. The cause is getting bigger by the day.

It’s none other than Pari. Read on to understand my plight.

She has developed a strong fascination for the rustling sound of turning pages. Her favorite being the newspaper pages, but she being an unconditional lover, is totally impartial towards magazines, pamphlets and even books. The minute she spots me with a newspaper, she gets restless. She has to have it. I try to act smart and give her an old newspaper to play with. But, in no-time she is ready to snatch and tear the paper I am busy with.

At first I thought, it’s the fun of hearing the paper rustle as she tries to tear it into bits, but gradually a bigger picture became clear. It has do more with me than the fun of tearing or the sound produced. Pari dislikes my attention being divided, especially when it is with anything she can take control of. The minute she sees my eyes move away from her, you can see her following my gaze. If it happens to be someone other than her grandparents and Woof-woof. She gets charged to attack.

Last week, it took me a lot of energy to finish the book I was reading. The book was so interesting that I didn’t want to put it down and Pari wouldn’t let me read it. She would throw a tantrum the minute I’d get hold of the book and attack it in an attempt to tear it. I am very particular about my books. I protect them with all my might and seeing a brand-new book being torn is too much for me to bear. At the same time, I can’t upset my little princess. So I found out a solution.

I waited for her to fall asleep after lunch, and the minute I tucked her in the blanket, I pounced like a hungry tigress to read the book. I had hardly read five-six pages, when I sneezed aloud. Ah! that woke up Pari and I had to hide the book one more time. I was determined to find a solution to this problem, so I waited for her to sleep at night.

She rarely wakes up in the midnight and never before a good three to four hours sleep. So I finally tucked myself in the blanket and began reading at a rapid-fire pace as if I was to write an exam the following morning. I let out a sigh of relief on managing to read a good 100 pages, just when I realized two anxious eyes staring at me from the side. Shaken as if hit by a stroke of lightning, I spotted Pari to have rolled to lie exactly by my side trying to catch a glimpse of what I was so engrossed in.

I tried hard to put her back to sleep, but she flatly refused. I tried to cover myself in the blanket turn my back towards her and read. She attacked my blanket and tried her best to get inside to find out what was I upto.

In no time, she grew cranky when I refused to hand over the colorful book lying by our side. Just then I decided to get in control of the situation. I made Pari sit in my lap in a way that she could actually read the book along with me. She stared at the book for a good ten minutes, but couldn’t understand a word of what was making her mum laugh hysterically. (Sorry sweetie I know you can’t read at this stage).

But, it being late at night she decided to sleep and not fight like she does in day-time. I read through the book and finished it over two nights (for reading in day is basically out of question).

I have never been fond of watching TV, but sometimes enjoy watching a comedy movie to freshen up. Since I succeeded in calming down Pari while reading a book, I tried to apply the same trick while watching TV. I sat her in my lap so that she too could see the TV and be with me at the same time. She stared at the movie for five-ten minutes then turned her head to see what was I upto. I gently stroked her hair, so she took it as a cue to play and there started her usual attempts to pull my hair, pull things from nearby shelves and the like.

After trying for a while she finally calmed down and we again continued watching the TV and she turned around, this time I tried to ignore her and continued staring at the TV screen. She quietly counted till five in her head and started crying for I wasn’t paying any attention to her. Hence, I do not see TV these days.

The last resort left is Internet. Ah! I know Pari doesn’t like me using the laptop much, but what she has started doing now means I need to take her actions to discipline me seriously. Encouraged by her success in stopping me from watching TV, now whenever Pari spots me in vicinity of a laptop she tries her best to get in my lap. She’ll stare the screen for a while, if it has nothing to amuse her (she loves the screen saver though) she’ll try to play with me to distract me from using laptop.

If I shut down immediately, she is happy. But if I try to be the stubborn parent, I am inviting trouble. She’ll start by getting cranky, which in no time turns to her trying to attack the laptop mouse and keys with her feet. In an attempt of stopping her from doing so, I pick her up in my arms. That’s the final attack position, for then she busies herself pulling my hair and scratching me in protest.

The outcome. The laptop is turned off immediately.

Moral of the story: Listen to your kids, else they know how to get their message across, effectively!

The song on my mind: