Forgiven?

We have all suffered pain, been hurt by another person at one point or the other in our lives. We were treated badly, hearts were broken, feelings were trampled upon. Though all this sounds like a common occurrence in our lives, sometimes that pain lingers for too long. We relive the betrayal, the hurt over and over, countless times. Letting those thoughts, those memories go becomes impossible and their grip on our mind tightens.

I strongly believe, holding a grudge is a waste of perfect happiness. It slyly robs us of the precious moments and little joys life blesses us with every now and then. We are so pre-occupied struggling with our painful memories, thoughts of seeing our enemy realize their mistakes that we become a prisoner in our own mind.

At this point of time only one thing can liberate us. Forgiveness.

The decision to move ahead in life, the willingness to give yourself another chance, the desire to be happy again is in fact the seed from which germinates the power to forgive. It is tough to reach that point after the pain we’ve suffered. But nonetheless an important one without which healing can never be complete.

In my journey of healing from the betrayal I suffered in my marriage a major motive is the welfare of my daughter. I might have got reckless if it were all about me; alone. But, since I have the massive responsibility of being a single parent to my daughter, I have no other choice but to get working on a plan that gives positive results.

I jumped on this journey long back. Around the time I started this blog, I decided that I am going to work on this religiously. The road has been uphill and the task very difficult to accomplish, but has never been impossible. Every now and then I am tempted pushed beyond my tolerance by my never-failing-to-amuse-me-with-his-tricks husband.

I have been trying my best to keep my mind clear despite the tales his family has been narrating to accomplish the task of character assassination (about me), I have been having a very tough time maintaining my peace of mind. The stress seems to be burning me down inside out. At all these moments, I re-consider my resolve to forgive my (soon-to-be-ex) husband. I seriously do.

I know I sound mean, revengeful and evil. I actually do feel so whenever the big picture of all the losses I have suffered in the past one year stand tall before me. I could have forgiven him if he had only betrayed my trust, I would have let him go clean had he only stolen my money, I would have put it behind me had he just told false stories about me to my friends. What he did to my parents and my little daughter is far beyond my power of forgiveness.

I might have forgiven him as a wife, as his partner but it will take me forever to forgive him for what he has forced my parents and daughter to suffer cause of his greed.

The song on my mind: Hum bewafa hargiz na they ~ Shalimar

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24 thoughts on “Forgiven?

  1. You are a bigger person than. I can’t forgive or forget.. I know people say move on, do this or that but easier said than done.

    I am glad reading your thoughts but as you said the pain our dear one’s suffered how can that be forgiven. Moreover its become to easy by saying oh forget it, the other party moves on to pastures greener for more fun and do the same to someone else..

    I am a type who would not let go ..

    Reminds me of a saying .. hum to doobenge sanam, saath tumhen bhi leke doobenge… I know I am a weird person.. :)

    1. Seriously I used to say the very same saying at the start of this mess, though I have toned down a lot.
      I agree, the way sometimes the people who caused all the troubles in our lives have it good and easy makes our healing and moving on all the more difficult.

    1. I don’t know whether it is in my power to forgive and forget, but no harm in trying. This way atleast I’ll get somewhere better than where I am now (hopefully)

  2. A very touching post Me – I completely agree with you when you say this ‘ I might have forgiven him as a wife, as his partner but it will take me forever to forgive him for what he has forced my parents and daughter to suffer cause of his greed.’

  3. Tightest hugs all the way from my heart.. As u said start working on a plan that gives positive results… It may be difficult, but not impossible.. :)

  4. Hmm. I understand what you mean. I guess forgiveness comes in slowly after the phase of life is over and one has move on. What’s commendable is that you are actively even thinking about it.

    1. I agree MoRS the day we plan to work in a particular direction is actually the first step when our efforts towards success begin counting :D
      Thank you dear for trying to understand what I mean :)
      Hugs!!

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