Interference

The day misfortune knocks at your door, it makes sure it brings along it’s best buddy, interference. I am out of the clutches of the monster(s) in my life, safe and secure with a home to call my own and a family consisting of people I’ve known all my life. But, still, interference continues to lurk in my life and casts shadows of insecurity in various forms.

Had it been easy to avoid, trust me I would have; had it been possible to run away from, I would have done so. The only option left is accepting it to be an inseparable part of my life from now on.

Be it my actions or expenses, my wishes, my plans or my words, I need to give an explanation of them all. I am answerable for every desire I hold for every movement I make, for I am being watched, observed and even talked about. It isn’t easy to ignore, for it only escalates with every effort to do so. It isn’t always from people who don’t matter, though the hurt is most when it comes from people who have always mattered.

Besides cribbing and many times sobbing about it, I have tried to adapt my ears to higher pitches so that whispers don’t touch my ear-drums. I am trying hard to keep a straight face no-matter what is dished out to me in the garb of most pleasant of words.

Every immunity comes with a price. In an effort to stay deaf-dumb-blind-with-a-straight-face I am gradually losing my real self that used to brush away all queries (be it good or bad, out of care or meant to hurt) with a sweet smile. It isn’t that I am turning bitter, but just that it takes a lot of effort to smile like before, maybe because I am not smiling from my heart.

The song on my mind: Is mod se jaate hain ~ Aandhi

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30 thoughts on “Interference

  1. When people try to interfere in our lives more and more, we tend to get used to it and they tend to get fed up of it. After a point we’ll automatically consider it as something normal and not be bothered about it (hopefully).

  2. Gosh no ME..come on, I am sure you are a positive person and should remain so..dont dont fall into the trap of feeling guilty and requiring to explain yourself every time…you dont…smile away if not anything just for Pari…Big tight breathholding squeezy hugs to you!

    • Gasping for breath…well am OK …err was OK till you hugged me ….now am breathless and the less oxygen to my brain actually made me forget all the worries :D

  3. A tight hug for you… and a suggestion…you can’t change what people think and say, what you can change is your attitude towards them…. you are a strong woman so don’t sob(it’s not easy), make choices keeping in mind your and your daughter’s life without being cynical….

    Don’t ever let your real self elude you… smile and get away from these people…

    Now come here for the tight hug.. :)

  4. I can so understand your feelings ME.. hugs and more hugs!!

    As you said, the immunity comes only with the price… but please dont let your own self to be punished for what others are speaking/doing to you.

  5. Cheer up dear, time never remains constant, change will come and things will look brighter. I suggest that you start looking for a job because besides giving you economic independence it will also divert your mind. Seriously, there is better time to start a good thing!!!

  6. Hugs dear. “The only option left is accepting it to be an inseparable part of my life from now on” Why has this to be an only option? I am sure you are planning to work and get a job and be financially independent in the future. It is only a matter of time…
    Start working towards that goal by applying for jobs or polishing your professional skills. Don’t lose your real self … this is a temporary phase will pass away soon. Sending loads of good wishes your way.

    • I totally understand your point LS, but the issue isn’t about financial independence (though I ma not denying the massive importance it holds) but there is more to life and also misery than money matters alone.
      Thank you for the much needed good wishes LS
      Hugs

  7. You are a inspiration to a lot of others, who are not able to stand for themselves and live in clutches all their lives. It is not easy what you have done and stood for no matter what, no matter how much hard time that monster and his so called family gave you. People are so shameless and strange that it is difficult to understand the real them for years.
    All i know is this time will also pass away, i know you are determined to make a beautiful life for yourself and Pari and for all those who really matter and stood with you all these hard times.
    And before you know you will smile again from heart from eyes :).It will be difficult but this shall pass soon.

  8. I dont know what to say here,
    I know exactly what you mean as I have the same problem in my family, although for a different reason .. After my father passed away, suddenly so many people have suddenly become so concerned about what is going on, what i am planning .. in my case its all about money..

    But sad why people do that , how does it concern anyone what i am doing , how i ma doing, they did not ask me this before ..

    you concentrate on urself and the little one .. I know easier said then done .. as I said go on a break :)

    • I can totally understand your stand and point Bikram. The minute someone loses someone significant in their lives the society and our families tend to behave as if we are their responsibility. The funniest part being these people shoulder their new-found responsibility by becoming the spectators over the fence and never doing any actual good besides free advises :)
      I am trying my best Bikram :D

    • May be yes, maybe no. For I have my plate full of issues to sort before I can even dream (let alone think or plan in full senses) of moving anywhere from my current location.
      Though I do agree to your suggested possibility :D
      Hugs MoRS

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