He hates that I decided to quit

Ever since I conveyed my decision to step out of our marriage to my husband, he has been constantly telling me something that has failed to make any sense till this day.

Besides the countless big and small grudges, the biggest issue he seems to have is, he hates the very idea that I decided to end this marriage. Before you get the impression that he has been trying to save the marriage and other thoughts on the same line, let me clarify, he means he wanted to be the one to decide what happens to this marriage, my life, and everything else.

I have been of the opinion that in a marriage one of the spouses wanting to opt out, is reason enough to worry and ponder as to what could be done to mend the dent. But, his ego seems to be in pain cause he missed out on the privilege of telling a woman to go to hell.

I have been aware of his sadistic tendencies. Needless to say, I shouldn’t have been surprised by any ridiculous remarks he makes, but this one seems to have stuck to my mind. It is a very sad state of affairs. I feel sorry, not for having hurt him with the decision I took, but because I had somehow missed on noting his true personality in the many years we’ve been together.

It’s rightly said, every failed relation, every mistake we make isn’t life/time wasted but an important lesson learnt. I too have learnt many lessons and have (hopefully) started working on changing myself to adapt better to the changed circumstances.

This whole episode, (I prefer to consider this failed marriage an episode in my life for life itself is too big to compare marriage as being everything in one’s life) has left me wondering, why does he (my husband) not worry about our burnt house rather than fretting over trivial issues like he missed on saving his favorite shirt from the fire!

The song on my mind: Koi Fariyad ~ Tum Bin

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37 thoughts on “He hates that I decided to quit

  1. very true so true one learns a lot A LOT from relations that go wrong .. for srue I can say that for a fact…

    But I would still say try forgetting about things that happened .. I know a big big thing but if you can it would be great :)
    Take care and keep smiling

  2. The more I read about you and your experience here, I am filled with so much respect for you! Glad that you took the step to quit! All the very best to you in EVERYTHING you do! May happiness be all yours! Hugs! :))

  3. Ah, but this is very common. Noone likes to be the rejectee. The difference is that most people would nurse their bruised ego for a while and then move on. He seems to be like a dog with a bone.

  4. Certainly, it is just one episode and not the whole book. Whatever be the circumstances and the hurt accompanying it, you have to rise up and above all that… I know it is easier said than done.. but you have got to try.

  5. I have been of the opinion that in a marriage one of the spouses wanting to opt out, is reason enough to worry and ponder as to what could be done to mend the dent. – I agree totally to that one…Big Hugs to you ME..you are one of the bravest persons I know in my life! (well I dont know, know you..but well…you got what I said right?)

  6. When you are trying to make something work, we tend to ignore (or prefer to do so) the red flags that appear in our path, simply because our end target is positive in our heads.
    It’s only when we come out of that mode do we realize the enormity of the whole thing… and how we missed what should have been obvious in the beginning.

    1. I totally agree Ash…but he seems to have been over-occupied in making his (secret) motives successful to even worry about whatever happened to our marriage, me or our daughter :(

  7. Hugs MyEra.
    Some men have this ego problem. More than the divorce itself it hurts their ego that the wife asked for divorce…
    As usual I love your way of seeing things in the positive light :)

  8. I agree to you completely and I simply loved your last para – It shows your strength. The positivity in your words is inspiring :)

    I can understand it is not easy dealing with it but I truly appreciate the way you have been doing with it till now.

    Sending warm hugs to you….

    TC

  9. totally agree – each mistake whether in a relationship or anywhere else, is just a learning experience. One learns, and moves on! I am so late on reading up all your recent posts..let me catch up now :)

  10. Hey its really good that you are treating marriage as an episode,learning in your life..I could see the clarity in your thoughts and the crystal clear way in which you put those forward. Men ego itself is a big thing to discuss…

  11. Hugs, ME. I don’t really know what to say, except that I admire your strength and clarity. You take care.
    PS: The song is wow. One of my favourites.

  12. To keep the fire burning brightly there’s one easy rule: Keep the two logs together, near enough to keep each other warm and far enough apart – about a finger’s breadth – for breathing room. Good fire, good marriage, same rule. ~Marnie Reed Crowell

    bring the logs too close and everything burns down.

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